Imagine you find the home of your dreams, only quickly find out that a hefty HOA fee is attached to it.
At first, you may be a bit bummed about the additional cost. You may even consider passing on an ideal property because of it.
But experts agree that HOA fees may actually be worth it, especially if the home is in a neighborhood you love and has the kind of amenities that you’ll actually use.
“An HOA can keep a neighborhood nice while allowing its home prices to rise and making resale more desirable,” says Teri Smith, broker and real estate agent at Newport Properties in Mooresville, NC.
Still, it’s up to you to weigh the benefits of an HOA against the costs so you can ultimately decide whether the home is a good fit for you and your family. Here’s what you should consider.
The purpose of HOA fees
HOA fees are recurring charges homeowners pay to maintain shared spaces and amenities in a community. They’re common in condos, townhomes, and planned neighborhoods, which have become increasingly popular properties for first-time homebuyers and retirees alike, given their price points.
“Besides landscaping, security, and amenities like pools, HOA fees may cover building insurance for common areas, utilities, community management, legal or accounting costs, and reserve contributions for future repairs,” says Stephen Lockard, litigation attorney at J&Y Law in Los Angeles.
This can be especially appealing to those who prefer to let the onus of the exterior of their home be someone else’s problem. For example, your HOA fees will be funneled into a reserve, saved for repairs like roof replacements and siding refinishing.
Typical HOA fees
In most cases, HOA fees are paid monthly, but amounts can vary significantly. Modest communities or those with few amenities may charge a couple hundred dollars each month or less. Luxury high-rises or neighborhoods with extensive services, on the other hand, can cost thousands of dollars.
“It really comes down to amenities, the level of service you receive, property values, and the age of the community,” explains Lockard.
According to Marcus Sturdivant, advisor, managing member and chief compliance officer at The ABC Squared² DBA All Bases Covered in Charlotte, NC, it’s a good idea to use the 1% rule, meaning your HOA fees should not exceed 1% of your home’s value.
For example, if you’re buying a home for $450,000 you should pay no more than $4,500 per year or about $375 per month in HOA fees.
How to decide whether they’re worth it
When considering a home in an HOA, experts recommend these considerations to determine if the fees (and property itself) are a good fit.
Understand what the fees cover
Request a copy of the HOA’s Covenants, Conditions, and Restrictions (CC&Rs) and find out what the HOA fees would pay for.
“If they include utilities, maintenance, or insurance, they could offset other bills,” says Lockard.
If most of the fees go toward the community pool and gym, ask yourself whether you’ll actually use these amenities.
Compare the fees and assess potential increases
See how the HOA fees compare to similar properties nearby. You may even be able to check the history of fee increases by asking the seller or listing agent for records. Determine if the fees are fair and whether you feel comfortable with them rising.
“If HOA fees are unreasonably high, or the association raises fees too frequently, be careful. That could be a sign of overall poor financial management,” explains Lockard.
Do your research
Read the CC&Rs carefully and check out online reviews of the HOA. You can even talk to residents of the community to get firsthand perspectives.
Your goal should be to understand how the association operates and how the rules are enforced. Are they strict and controlling or more relaxed and flexible?
“Make sure the HOA’s culture aligns with your unique lifestyle and preferences,” says Sturdivant.
The super-rich get richer and the rest of us…sue the super-rich.
That’s the scenario playing out now on Billionaires’ Row, where the luxury condo tower at 220 Central Park South — famously home to hedge-fund titan Ken Griffin’s record-breaking $238 million quadplex purchase in 2019 — is being sued by its next-door neighbor, the Gainsborough Studios co-op, for damages caused by years of heavy-duty construction, The New York Postreports.
Gainsborough Studios at 222 Central Park South, a landmarked co-op dating from 1908, is suing for no less than $3 million worth of repairs. According to the lawsuit, the developer of the supertall property, Vornado Realty Trust, had promised to pay for all such damage but is now refusing to honor its agreement, says the co-op’s lawyer, Peter Salzler, an associate at Braverman Greenspun.
This tangled saga began more than a decade ago. A “massive pit” was blasted through bedrock when excavation for 220 Central Park South began in 2014, the complaint, filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, says. The colossal new edifice, which comprises an 18-story villa section plus the 70-story tower, wraps around two sides of Gainsborough Studios, on an L-shaped site. By the end of that year, the complaint adds, the 16-story Gainsborough Studios had twisted by shifting downward and eastward — moving nearly an inch at the top. The building later faced pricey repair costs for foundation cracks, broken windows, chipped skylights, clogged air conditioning and damage to its historic facade, the complaint says. The damage has now been fixed — at Gainsborough’s expense.
“I wish I’d never heard the name Vornado,” says Donald Denton, a 20-year Gainsborough resident. “They made a lot of money and left us with a lot of repairs, and they haven’t lived up to their end of the bargain.”
Vornado’s lawyer, Thomas Cerussi of Cerussi & Spring, did not respond to requests for comment, nor did Vornado.
One of the elements of buying into a co-op community that makes the process very different from purchasing a condo unit or single-family home is what’s commonly referred to as the “board package”—the dossier of letters, statements, disclosures, forms, and other documentation that co-op boards require from prospective buyers as proof of identity, financial condition, legal status, and sometimes even background and character. Based on the contents of this package, a board will decide whether to approve or reject the purchase.
There are legal limits to what a board is allowed to ask of prospective owners and tenants, however, and there is both extensive case law and recently-proposed legislation that puts those limits to the test. So before your board makes an inadvertent slip-up that lands your co-op in a housing discrimination dispute, read on to make sure you understand what should—and should not—be included in a board package and interview.
The Requirements
Co-ops differ from condos in that their boards have the statutory right to accept or reject an applicant for any reason—or for no reason—as long as there is no discrimination or bad faith involved (more on that later). Mark R. Rosenbaum, an attorney and principal with the law firm of Fischel Kahn in Chicago, explains; “Condos do not have [a right of] approval; at most they have a right of first refusal,” he says. “That simply means that if a condo board doesn’t approve of a buyer for whatever reason, the condo can decide to buy the unit that is up for sale on exactly the same terms that the contracted buyer had agreed on to buy it. In a co-op, however, the board typically has a right of approval. So they can reject a sale. They can say, for example, ‘We don’t want that buyer because we don’t think he’s financially viable.’”
Eric Levine, a real estate agent with New York City brokerage Level Group, has helped prepare countless board packages in his 15-plus years in the industry. According to him, “The standard items that almost every co-op board package will request are: 1. letters of employment; 2. reference letters—usually a combination of personal and professional, and the number of items can vary, from one of each type to up to three or four of each type; and 3. tax returns, usually for between one and three years of history. Most co-ops want to see a summary of the purchaser’s finances, primarily focused on assets and liabilities to arrive at a net worth statistic.”
What can become onerous for applicants is the volume and detail of supporting information that some boards require. “In some cases,” continues Levine, “a co-op is only interested in the latest balances supported by statements issued by the financial institution. But I have seen [boards require] up to four months of supporting documentation. My sense is that in doing so they’re trying to establish some sort of pattern in finances—not just looking at a single point in time, but looking at a period of time.”
He adds that a landlord reference letter is also typically requested—although not necessarily required, since not all purchasers are coming from a rental situation—and that all of the documentation requirements pertain to each individual or entity that will be named on the stock certificate and lease.
These requirements, he says, have remained fairly consistent during his years in the biz. What has changed, according to Levine and other real estate professionals, is the move to online platforms for uploading, signing, and reviewing the contents of a board package. To Levine, “The use of digital platforms allows for a more secure environment for all parties.” (It also saves a lot of trees.)
The Add-Ons
While the primary purpose of vetting potential buyers through the board package and interview process is financial—ensuring that the applicant has the means to uphold their monetary obligations to the corporation, as well as maintaining fiscal solvency for the corporation and value for every shareholder—every co-op is unique. Each board has some leeway to adapt its applicant screening process in preservation of its community’s specific character, values, or caché.
According to Stuart M. Saft, practice group leader of national law firm Holland & Knight’s New York Real Estate Practice Group, “The board approval process may seem ‘snooty’ to some, but this isn’t about snootiness; it is about maintaining a quality of life. To those of us who live in these buildings and serve on the boards, it provides a measure of protection from a difficult resident, like those who flout the rules because he or she [thinks they] can do anything they want in their apartment.”
And it’s not always about financial wherewithal. There are plenty of well-circulated stories about celebrities from Madonna to Richard Nixon facing rejection from co-op boards. While such high-profile individuals might easily satisfy a co-op’s required debt-to-income ratio, their reputation for controversy or the constant presence of fans, an entourage, or Secret Service might be unappealing or simply impractical for a small, quiet co-op with a single 100-year-old elevator.
Aside from net worth, source(s) of income is also important to boards, not necessarily because it might be somehow legally questionable, but because it speaks to what kind of neighbor an applicant might be. Stuart A. Fullett, managing shareholder with the law firm of Fullett Swanson PC in Barrington, Illinois, relates a screening story of this nature; “At one of my co-ops in the city, I had an attorney who was looking to buy,” he says. “The association did their due diligence. They realized that attorneys by their own nature tend to be litigious—but this person in particular had a lot of lawsuits on behalf of himself. And the board looked at that and said, ‘This is maybe not the type of person we want in here.’ So he was rejected. And his comment was, ‘I’m going to sue.’ And my comment was, ‘That’s why you’re being rejected.’”
The No-Nos
A co-op board’s right to approve or reject an applicant for any reason or none at all has been known to butt up against federal fair housing law, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of race, color, national origin, religion, sex (including gender identity and sexual orientation), familial status, or disability. New York City, which has the nation’s most stringent human rights laws as pertain to housing, extends that prohibition to “actual or perceived race, creed, color, national origin, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, uniformed service, marital status, partnership status, alienage or citizenship status of any person or group of persons, or because of any lawful source of income of such person or persons, or because children are, may be or would be residing with such person or persons.”
Since the enactment of the Fair Housing Act in 1968, there have been numerous legal cases against co-op boards alleging unlawful discrimination. Discrimination is difficult to prove, however. Moreover, governing boards are protected by the Business Judgment Rule, which bars a court from intervening in actions or decisions made “in good faith”—that is, within the fiduciary standards of loyalty, prudence, and care that directors owe to stakeholders. Even beyond that, engaging in litigation is a costly and burdensome endeavor, and getting satisfaction through the legal process is far from guaranteed in these scenarios.
There are notable exceptions, however. The 1997 case of Biondi vs. Beekman Hill House Apartment Corp. has had far-reaching implications for both housing discrimination and indemnification of board members from punitive damages in lawsuits. In this case, a Black couple—both attorneys—were denied from subletting an apartment at the Beekman Hill co-op for reasons that the couple believed were racially motivated. According to Saft, the federal court jury’s decision to award the couple $640,000 in both compensatory and punitive damages surprised both board members and attorneys at the time. The fact that board members were held personally liable for the damages changed the prevailing notions of director indemnity.
“Biondi made boards nervous and careful,” recalls Saft, “which is good. Boards are more cautious as a result of this case. Biondi confirmed that a board member would be personally liable for discrimination, and that insurance would not protect a board member’s bad faith. This was not new law, but rather reinforced [other case law that held] that bad faith was not covered by the Business Judgment Rule.”
Boards and/or the committees tasked with screening applicants must avoid asking directly about any protected class—although the applicant’s voluntary submission of such information is fair game, as is information gleaned from meeting the applicant face-to-face (or on video conferencing platforms, as the case may be for some buildings and communities during and since COVID). Aside from assessing the financial bona fides, screening committees are essentially asking themselves, “Would I want this person as my neighbor?”—an inherently subjective question that has a lot of potential for bias, leading to legally gray areas in the process of screening and interviewing prospective shareholders. The rejection of the lawyer in Fullett’s Illinois example might beg the question in New York whether the applicant was being discriminated against based on his lawful source of income—one of the city’s protected classes in housing.
What’s Next
In 2021, Westchester County enacted laws that place time limits on co-op boards to review and approve or reject an applicant and that require a reason to be given for any rejections. Similar and even stricter bills have come before the New York City Council that would subject boards to financial penalties and legal fees for failing to respond in proposed timeframes; disclose co-op finances; or provide a detailed, sworn statement certifying the basis for any rejection. Such bills have the potential to dissuade people from running for and serving on their co-op’s board given the exposure to liability, increase D&O insurance costs for co-ops and/or make it more difficult to obtain, and stymie the transactional process for buyers and sellers as boards adjust to such a sea change if passed, note detractors.
On the other hand, adding clarity and transparency to a transaction that has significant consequences for both buyer and seller does have potential benefits to both parties. As Levine remarks, “I think that what sometimes gets lost in this process is that these decisions are actually real-life, highly important events. In many cases—especially in New York, because of the high cost of housing—timing is of the essence for a lot of people.” On one level, he says, “when a co-op does not respond in a timely manner, it sometimes rubs people the wrong way.” And on a practical level, he says, “this is especially relevant during times when rapidly rising rates can be a costly situation for a potential purchaser.” Missing a rate-lock period or the end of a loan offer because a co-op board slow-walked its decision on a purchase can mean that both the buyer and the seller lose out.
“If there’s reasonable time parameters put forth—much like most people’s lives: you have a work deadline, you have an academic deadline there, the world is based on deadlines—I think it would just keep all parties on their toes, honest, and with published expectations for both the co-op and the purchaser,” Levine continues.
As for required reasons for rejections, “That one’s a little harder” to justify, he says. “Most agents will try their best to read between the lines, perhaps to give comfort or lack thereof to their client as to why they weren’t approved.”
Ultimately, the expectations of every party in a co-op or condo transaction—the buyer, the seller, and the board, and the agents of each—are that everyone is conducting themselves in an honest, law-abiding, and straightforward manner. Keeping those factors in mind will make the screening process much less painful for everyone involved.
Additional reporting for this article by Darcey Gertstein.
When a condo or co-op resident runs for a seat on their board, the decision to do so generally comes from a desire to ‘step up’ and participate in the governance of the place they call home, and the building or association community as a whole.
Often, the residents willing to serve on their board aren’t necessarily those with finely-honed skills and formal education in law, finance, and practical business management. And they don’t have to be—with competent management, legal, and accounting professionals on their side, a board composed of ‘civilian’ members can absolutely meet its oversight responsibilities and run a solvent, functional building or association.
But having said that, it’s also worth considering that a solid, practical base of knowledge in law, finance and management can be invaluable to a board, enabling them to interact more confidently with contractors and other professionals, make prudent financial decisions, and understand the implications of legislation and legal decisions impacting their community.
A Little Knowledge…
Given that, what base of knowledge does a board member—especially a newly elected one—need in order to contribute most effectively to the administration of their community? Most experts agree that understanding financial reporting, and to a slightly lesser extent, the laws and regulations governing shared interest communities in their area are the biggest help.
“Every board member needs to develop a basic skill set,” says Steve Silberman, a CPA and partner with PBG, a financial services firm located in Glenview, Illinois. “At a minimum, they need to learn to read and understand a financial statement, rather than just relying on the treasurer. The board has a fiduciary responsibility over the financial information of the association or corporation, so all the board members need to understand their finances.
“Revenue, minus expenses, equals net income,” says Jayson Prisand, an accountant and principal with Prisand Mellina Unterlack & Co, an accounting firm located in Plainview, New York. “That’s pretty much the starting point. The primary goal of maintenance or common charges is always to pay for expenses. It seems obvious, but if you don’t have the revenue, how can you pay for the expenses? Board members have a clear need to understand these basic processes. Cash and reserves and their differences are also important concepts in terms of short-, medium-, and long-term planning. Board members must know short-term concepts and goals for operating, and long-term concepts for capital projects. Especially in the current environment, they should understand inflation, and in New York City (and everywhere really), local regulations. It’s not an easy task.”
“The other concept they need to understand is fund accounting,” Silberman continues. “Operating accounts are based on fund accounting. They must also understand what a reserve fund is. A major issue for boards is the possible co-mingling between operating accounts and reserves. That requires understanding the difference between accrual versus cash-basis accounting. Most board members, regardless of their overall knowledge of accounting, understand ‘cash-basis’ accounting, as that’s how a personal checkbook works; income is accounted for when received, and expenses accounted for when paid. By contrast, accrual is more true to [a community’s] current financial position, because it records income when earned and expenses when incurred.”
“Financial literacy,” says Mark Love, principal of M. Love & Associates, CPA, with three offices in Massachusetts, “requires knowledge of matters involving finance, accounting, budgeting, taxes, investments, insurance, debt, financial planning, capital planning, and even economics.”
Michael S. Simone, an attorney and principal of The Simone Law Firm, based in Cinnaminson, New Jersey, focuses in a little more: “Board members must ensure that their association has a budget, and then make certain to run a monthly budget variance report to monitor the progress of the budget throughout the year. Understandably, everyone wants dues to be as low as possible, but an association needs to avoid having too many special assessments. Having special assessments every year is a red flag indicating that the budget is not properly funded. Furthermore, given the current stricter mortgage regulations, an association that does not have a properly funded budget might result in a potential buyer not being able to obtain a traditional mortgage.” Understanding basic accounting and financial principles is necessary for this.
Are All Board Members Equal?
Do all board members require the same level of knowledge of financial, management, legal and accounting issues? In a word, no.
However, according to Prisand, “Those board members who don’t have the most in-depth financial knowledge shouldn’t necessarily be the treasurer. The treasurer should have a solid grounding in financial data in their background. That’s not to say they couldn’t otherwise do the job, but you’re managing money—everybody’s money. There is always reliance on the management company, but don’t give them carte blanche. Overall, at least one person on the board needs to have a more complete, more complex understanding of finances and financing.”
Love concurs. “To be sure, at least one board member, generally the treasurer or the president, should have a moderate to semi-high level of understanding and awareness of these financial matters.”
Another area about which board members should have basic technical understanding is what their governing documents say and require relative to the financial management and maintenance of the property. “The first thing every board member should look at and understand are the bylaws and declarations of their association,” says Silberman. “The bylaws, etc., hold information about financial audits, what to do with excess cash from operations, and other details of financial management under the laws and regulations governing the association.” A law degree is not necessarily required for this, but as with the treasurer’s position, it certainly doesn’t hurt to have an attorney on the board. If that’s not possible, the community’s legal counsel can be tapped to provide any needed clarification.
Training Available
There are several organizations whose mission it is to help educate board members in the unique aspects of governing a building or HOA—including this publication, and its companion annual and biannual Expos, which offer rosters of free educational seminars, expert panel discussions, and legal advice booths. (Visit coopexpo.com for more information, registration, and descriptions of seminars.)
Another valuable resource —and the largest U.S. organization devoted to board education—is the Community Associations Institute (CAI). “CAI has over 40,000 members,” says Simone. “Their courses are offered both online and in-person, and are an excellent way to learn more about the role of being a board member. Further there is a web forum group where associations post problems and issues they are being confronted with, which is another way to learn from other potentially similar association’s issues.”
Along with these, “Boards should avail themselves of all manner of tutorials, workshops, seminars, and education courses on financial, operational, and management of an HOA,” says Love. “There are hundreds available at many organizations dedicated to the shared-interest sector.”
Spreading the Knowledge
In cases where a building or association is fortunate enough to have an accountant, attorney, financial or real estate professional as a board member—or even as a non-board resident—is it advisable for that person to help board members understand what can often be complex matters? The answer might depend on the community.
One co-op shareholder on Manhattan’s Upper West Side who is a professional commercial mortgage broker shares anonymously that in the 30 years he’s lived in his building, the corporation has refinanced its underlying mortgage twice. On both occasions, while not serving on the board, this shareholder offered his expertise to review the refi and advise the board in their decision making. The board turned down his offer both times—and in his opinion, they made serious mistakes, including the prepayment clause on the original refinance some 20 years ago, which precluded the corporation from taking advantage of lower interest rates when they had the chance.
On the other hand, Silberman says, “Boards could and should take advantage of members’ knowledge base. Depending on the size of the community, they might also have a finance committee or subcommittee apart from the board that would allow those with financial background but not on the board to serve on that committee, thereby bringing more people with knowledge into the equation.”
Prisand cautions that sometimes a little knowledge can cause friction. “I work with all types of people on boards. Senior fortune-500 types to housewives. Sometimes those with knowledge can present a different kind of problem; they think at too high a level. It’s not plain vanilla—every building is different—but it’s important to keep it fairly simple.” In the end it ‘takes a village’ to effectively run a village.
A Pressing, if Not-so-New Issue
Another issue has come to the fore for boards in the aftermath of the deadly Surfside, Florida, building collapse in 2021: reserves, and reserve studies. The high dollar amounts—and high stakes—make this yet another area where board members need to have at least a working knowledge and basic understanding of both their building’s physical condition, and the financial planning needed to properly maintain it.
According to Silberman, “Boards should plan for a reserve study, and a plan for investment of those funds. They need an investment policy, and should understand the financial and accounting principles underpinning that policy, including why and how reserve money is invested, its safety and liquidity, and yield. If you’re funding a reserve project, you’ll have a better idea of why the money is invested the way it is.” That knowledge of investment strategy is a good partner to understanding the financial principles relating to your regular operations as well.
It all boils down to boards and board members being as informed as possible about what goes into governing and administering their community from day to day, from its physical upkeep to financial decision-making and long-term planning. Reading—and understanding—your governing documents, consulting your legal and financial professionals when necessary, and taking advantage of educational and training opportunities are all great ways to make the most of your tenure, and make your board the best it can be.
A J Sidransky is a staff writer/reporter for CooperatorNews, and a published novelist. He can be reached at alan@yrinc.com.
With another holiday season in full swing, employers face a familiar challenge: helping their workforce navigate the complex blend of year-end pressures and holiday expectations.
The stakes are higher than many leaders realize. Recent data from employee recognition program Workhuman shows that while the season brings joy and celebration, it also generates significant stress for employees, particularly around finances, work-life balance and performance expectations.
That stress has a well-documented impact on individual employees as well as the business overall. Recent research from the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) found that 44% of 1,405 U.S. workers surveyed feel burned out at work — feelings that only intensify this time of the year. In fact, more than half of us say we’re experiencing more holiday stress than ever.
“It’s important to make sure employees feel appreciated and supported during the holiday season,” said Traci Pesch, practice lead and strategist at Workhuman. “Whether it’s work-related stressors or something personal going on in the life of an employee that makes this time extra difficult, leaders need to make a concerted effort to celebrate what makes those people such valuable contributors to their organization.”
The cost of stress
According to Workhuman’s survey of 3,000 full-time employees across the U.S., U.K. and Ireland, financial concerns are the primary source of holiday stress for 64% of employees, with 35% depending on year-end bonuses to cover their holiday expenses.
Meanwhile, one-third of workers report feeling more stressed during the holiday season due to increased workloads and pressure to meet year-end goals.
The situation is particularly acute for working parents. A survey of 500 working parents in the U.S. by Bright Horizons and Opinium Research found that nearly half of parents with children aged 0-12 experience more stress during the holidays, mainly due to juggling work and childcare.
The survey determined that mothers are significantly more likely to experience increased stress (55%) compared to fathers (30%).
Charlotte Anderson, head of people experience at design platform Canva, emphasizes that recognition should be a year-round priority, though it takes on special urgency around the holidays. “Developing a strategy for recognizing employees at the end of the year is especially important as the holiday season often brings heightened stress, fatigue and burnout,” she said. That observation is supported by Canva’s recent workplace survey, which found that three-quarters of respondents wish they felt more appreciated.
The impact of recognition cannot be understated. Canva’s research, based on responses from 1,500 employees in the U.S. and Australia, indicates that recognition boosts motivation (among 87% of employees), confidence (85%) and productivity (84%).
However, Anderson warns against taking a one-size-fits-all approach. “Team members want to feel seen as individuals,” she said, stressing that just half of those surveyed felt their bosses recognized their unique qualities.
What truly matters
Rather than traditional perks or awards, Anderson suggests focusing on what truly matters to employees: flexibility, inclusion, work-life balance and opportunities for growth. Some practical approaches include:
Offering heartfelt notes or “hype reels”
Fostering two-way communication and feedback
Embedding “surprise and delight” moments throughout the employee lifecycle
Tying recognition to core values
Creating meaningful celebrations with visual communication
Those strategies align with what Sandra Moran, chief customer experience officer at WorkForce Software, advises, noting that what matters most to many employees is having control over their schedules. That is particularly critical for deskless and shift-based workers, who often face greater scheduling challenges around the holidays.
Why presence, not perfection, drives performance and resilience.
By Finn Janning Ph.D. for Psychology Today
Key points
Leaders who embrace vulnerability foster trust, creativity, and collaboration.
Presence—not perfectionism—drives performance, resilience, and clarity.
Self-emptying attention (Simone Weil) and contemplative openness enable wiser, more compassionate leadership.
We live in a culture of performance: business, sports, and education all expect leaders to be strong, certain, strategic, and always in control. Yet the paradox of high performance is this: striving to be invulnerable can make us fragile.
Neuroscience and sports psychology (for example, acceptance and commitment therapy) show that anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of mistakes shrink cognitive flexibility and creativity. The more we obsess over results, the more our attention collapses into the future. This focus makes us less present with what is happening now. As mental performance coach Graham Betchart puts it: “Stress is the absence of presence.”
This is not a new idea. Long before modern psychology, philosopher Simone Weil described attention as the most radical form of presence. She argued that attention is not controlling the world, but consenting to it. True attention, she wrote, requires self-emptying: standing unprotected in front of reality, without illusion or defense. Vulnerability is the precondition for wisdom.
Why Vulnerability Creates Better Leaders
Counterintuitively, leaders who dare to be vulnerable consistently outperform those who hide behind certainty and perfection. Research and practice reveal six recurrent themes:
Letting go of obsession with results When leaders fixate on outcomes, they move mentally into the future. This takes them away from presence, intuition, and responsiveness. Presence solves problems; anxiety does not.
Becoming comfortable with discomfort Growth requires friction. Leaders who avoid discomfort avoid learning. Carol Dweck’s “growth mindset” research shows that development depends on the willingness to not know.
Making — and sharing — mistakes Perfectionism doesn’t inspire respect — it inspires fear. When leaders say, “I make mistakes too,” teams take risks, innovate, and collaborate more freely.
Leading from thriving mode, not survival mode Fear activates defensive behavior. Trust and calm activate creativity, connection, and collective intelligence.
Recognizing energy is contagious People sense fear instantly. A tense leader produces a tense team. A grounded leader can regulate an entire room without saying a word.
Allowing vulnerability If you refuse to be vulnerable, you become rigid. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you become adaptable. Adaptability, not perfection, is what wins over time.
Empathy and compassion are central to these principles. The key takeaway: Leaders don’t inspire teams by appearing flawless; they inspire by making people feel seen and accepting their own limitations.
Vulnerability as a Spiritual — Not Only Psychological — Practice
Simone Weil believed that attention becomes transformative only when the ego loosens its grip. To pay attention without grasping or defending is an act of surrender. It is a form of self-emptying. From this emptiness, she argued, compassion, clarity, and action are born.
A modern contemplative practice echoes this idea: centering prayer, a method developed by Father Thomas Keating and colleagues. Rather than controlling thoughts or emotions, practitioners silently consent to reality—or to God, or to life—with the humble orientation: “Here I am.”
In a performance-obsessed culture, such surrender may seem counterintuitive. But centuries of contemplative wisdom and decades of psychological research converge on the same point: The strongest leaders are not those who control the most, but those who resist the urge to dominate.
Vulnerability is not weakness; it enables connection by ending self-protection. In this state, creativity, resilience, and trust can grow. Key takeaway: Embracing vulnerability fosters genuine relationships and personal growth.
Where Leadership Is Going
As artificial intelligence automates competence and efficiency, the unique value of human leadership is shifting. The future belongs to leaders who can foster trust, rather than fear.
In business, education, therapy, sports, or family life, the most transformative leaders learn the courage to say: I am here — not perfect, not certain, but present. That is vulnerability. And vulnerability is the foundation of leadership wisdom.
You can’t pick your neighbors, but if you could, wouldn’t you want them to be nice? How far would you be willing to go to try to ensure that was the case? Would you ask them to sign a document promising that they’d at least try to be kind to you and everyone else in the area?
This isn’t a hypothetical: In at least one planned community called Silverwood, the developer requires homebuyers to sign a “kindness pledge,” seeking to build a culture of listening to others, excluding hateful words, and engaging on a personal level.
The community, located in Hesperia, CA, argues that explicitly promoting civility can create better neighborhoods in an increasingly divided world.
But can developers, builders, sellers, or HOAs actually enforce being nice? And beyond the warm feelings, does living in a “kindness community” offer any real, tangible benefits for those looking to buy, live, and sell there? Here’s what prospective homebuyers need to know.
The legal reality: It isn’t enforceable
Before you get upset at the idea that you might truly have to be nice to your neighbors if you want to live somewhere, understand that a kindness pledge has virtually no legal weight. It’s more of an aspirational thing.
There are a few main reasons for this. One is that kindness is a vague concept that would be hard to pin down in any real way.
“Community covenants and restrictions must be specific, objective, and capable of consistent enforcement,” says Donna DiMaggio Berger, a Florida-based attorney who specializes in HOA and condominium law. “While associations can enforce restrictions related to property use, architectural standards, and certain behaviors, a vague ‘niceness’ requirement lacks clear legal standards.”
Being overly loud, leaving your trash cans on the street, threatening or stalking your neighbors—those are clear behaviors that an HOA could enforce. Kindness, as described by things like tone of voice or opinions, is less so.
Even if a pledge were more specific, enforcing subjective behavioral standards would open HOAs up to significant legal challenges around discrimination, selective enforcement, and potential violations of members’ rights.
“Enforcing it would be nearly impossible and potentially unlawful depending on how it is drafted and applied,” says Berger. “Even well-intentioned civility pledges could be used to exclude certain groups of people, especially if niceness is equated with conformity to certain cultural norms.”
So what’s the point of having one?
If kindness pledges aren’t enforceable, why do they exist? The answer lies in self-selection and community building.
Developers use these pledges as a screening mechanism. Homebuyers who are put off by the idea of signing a kindness pledge will likely look elsewhere, while those attracted to the concept will feel they’re moving into a community of like-minded neighbors.
“I find that young families with children often embrace this kind of environment because it equals a ‘safer’ or ‘more accepting’ environment,” says Kristen Conti, a Florida real estate broker.
The tangible benefits of ‘nice’ neighborhoods
Beyond the feel-good factor, however, research suggests that communities with stronger social bonds and neighborly interaction do offer measurable benefits.
“Generally speaking, community cohesion correlates with higher property values and fewer legal disputes,” says Berger.
This manifests in a few ways. For example, neighborhoods with higher social connectedness show lower crime rates.
And some of the tenets of a socially cohesive neighborhood may lead to higher home prices: A survey from the National Association of Realtors® found that over 30% of Gen Z and millennial respondents were willing to pay significantly more to live in walkable communities—neighborhoods where social interaction happens more naturally.
That said, these communities are likely more sought-after because of the knock-on effects rather than, say, a specific pledge to be kind.
“It’s not the behavioral agreements themselves that drive higher property values,” says Conti. “The reasons are tied to the community maintaining order, cleanliness, and safety—things like lawn care standards, noise restrictions, and care of community amenities.”
What homebuyers should consider about kind communities
If you’re evaluating a community with a kindness pledge or similar behavioral covenant, here are key questions to ask:
What happens if someone violates the pledge? If the answer is vague or nonexistent, you’re looking at an aspirational document, not an enforceable rule. That’s OK, of course, but in your conversations with neighbors or sellers, try to ascertain a sense of how “enforced” that idea is.
Are there specific behaviors that are enforceable? Look at the HOA’s CC&Rs (covenants, conditions, and restrictions) for actual rules around noise, property maintenance, and neighbor conduct. These are not kindness requirements, but they may lead to similar impacts.
What amenities and design features support community building? Pledges aside, does the development include shared spaces, walkable areas, and opportunities for neighbors to interact naturally? Physical design matters, perhaps even more than written promises.
Finally, what’s the community culture really like? Talk to existing residents. Ask about conflict resolution, HOA responsiveness, and whether people actually interact with their neighbors.
Pledging kindness is just one piece of the puzzle
Can your neighbors force you to be nice? No. Kindness pledges carry no legal weight and can’t be enforced like traditional HOA rules. Besides, kindness means different things in different places—what’s considered neighborly in Brooklyn, NY, may differ from Brooklyn, IA.
But that doesn’t mean they’re meaningless. These pledges serve as cultural markers that attract certain buyers and signal shared values. And while you can’t mandate kindness, research shows that neighborhoods with stronger social bonds deliver real benefits.
The key is looking beyond the pledge itself to evaluate whether a community’s design, amenities, and existing culture actually support the neighborly interaction the pledge promises.
By Kelly G. Richardson, Esq. CCAL, HOA Homefront Column
Kelly, we thought it was not legal to use any HOA facilities or resources for political purposes. A HOA resident has announced their intentions to run for public office in a posting on our HOA website. In the past, no one else has been permitted to do this. Have there been changes in the laws that now permit this? Thank you, P.G., Menifee
Dear P.G.: The statutes regulating HOA elections (Civil 5100-5145) do not allow HOAs to take sides. There is another statute, Civil Code Section 4515, which protects the right of homeowners to hold meetings within the HOA regarding matters of public interest, including public elections. However, that statute does not authorize HOAs to endorse candidates in public election contests. Such an action could possibly be considered outside the Association’s corporate purpose. There is some authority that if there is a political issue that clearly affects the HOA’s interests – such as a proposed airport near the HOA – the HOA could support a side in that battle. I think your HOA management and board should stay out of public election contests, even if the candidate is one of the HOA neighbors. Sincerely, Kelly
Dear Mr. Richardson: Yesterday we had our annual meeting but ballots were not opened because we did not meet quorum. One of the candidates is not an owner. I called the Inspector to say that I’m contesting the election because one of the candidates does not meet the mandatory qualification. So far I have not heard back. The Inspector was sent a copy of the deed; the candidate is not on the deed. This doesn’t sit well with me. Y.R., San Diego
Dear Kelly: We have 5 board members. In the last election, a board member filed for reelection. Before the ballots were counted, he sold his unit. He won reelection and then resigned when his unit sold. To me, this invalidates the election, but management claims this is fine. The board operates with 4 members. Also, the board refuses to appoint a replacement. What is the law? M.D., Tustin
Dear Y.R. and M.D.: Per Civil Code Section 5105(b) candidates MUST be disqualified if they are not HOA members. So, Y.R., that candidate should not have been allowed to run, and could not serve because nominating requirements apply equally to directors (Civil Code Section 5100(d)(2)). If an ineligible candidate is allowed to run, it is a violation which could affect the outcome of the election and be subject to overturning per Civil Code Section 5145. Interestingly, subpart (c) of the statute allows elections to be challenged in small claims court, so long as any monetary demand does not exceed small claims jurisdiction. HOAs need to carefully confirm the eligibility of candidates to avoid possibly having to conduct an election twice.
M.D., Candidates who sell and cease ownership before vote counting lose eligibility, and votes for that person cannot be counted. He could not resign since he was not re-elected. The next place vote recipient should have been declared elected. If there were no other candidates then the board could appoint to fill the vacancy. Check your HOA bylaws. Some bylaws require filling vacancies while others leave it as optional until the next election. Best, Kelly
Michelle P. Quinn is a partner at the law firm Gallet Dreyer & Berkey. The statements and views in this article, which appeared in the February issue of Habitat magazine, are her own and not necessarily those of the firm.
Co-op and condo boards cannot afford to forget one of the more curious aspects of running a building in New York City: While the city owns most of the sidewalks, it isn’t responsible for taking care of them. A recent court case illustrates why boards cannot sidestep their duty to maintain all sidewalks adjacent to their buildings.
In August 2017, a seemingly ordinary summer day turned into a major event for one unfortunate pedestrian — and into a long-running legal saga for the Jamaica East Condominium. Maria Valleda tripped and fell on the sidewalk adjacent to Jamaica East. She briefly lost consciousness and suffered a broken toe. The incident spurred her to take legal action, and she did so in 2018, filing a personal-injury suit against the condominium, Villeda v. Bd. of Mgrs. of Jamaica East Condo.
As the legal showdown unfolded, Valleda filed a motion for summary judgment, honing in on the defendant’s liability for its failure to maintain and promptly repair an uneven sidewalk adjacent to the condominium. Under the New York City administrative code, a property owner has an ongoing obligation to maintain the public sidewalk that abuts its property.
The condominium wasn’t going down without a fight, however. It claimed that the sidewalk’s condition was “open and obvious,” suggesting that it was the pedestrian’s responsibility to take care. The court quickly debunked this notion, emphasizing that the issue of whether a condition is obvious did not, in anyway, excuse the condominium from its duty to comply with its ongoing obligation to maintain the public sidewalk.
The courtroom battle intensified when the condominium sought to shift liability onto the contractor it had hired for repairs prior to Valleda’s fall. The court deemed this argument futile, ruling that the duty to maintain the sidewalk could not be outsourced to a third party. This left the condominium solely accountable for the maintenance of the sidewalk. Adding fuel to the fire, the condo board’s president admitted during her deposition that the association had noticed the tripping hazard of the sidewalk. Not exactly a winning hand.
With the cards laid bare, the decisive moment arrived. In 2023, the court granted summary judgment in favor of Valleda, holding the condominium liable for its failure to reasonably maintain the hazardous sidewalk, which had caused her injuries. After nearly five years, the case can now move to trial, with the issue of comparative fault, if any, and damages to be determined at that time.
This legal saga serves as a reminder for co-op and condo boards that property owners bear not only the responsibility for their buildings but also for the safety of the adjacent public sidewalks. This crucial duty cannot be delegated or brushed aside. Regular and thorough inspections, coupled with prompt repairs, are paramount in limiting the risk of personal-injury claims. This story underscores another crucial point: No matter how obvious a hazardous condition might appear, it doesn’t absolve property owners from their duty. The safety and well-being of pedestrians cannot be compromised.
What’s the No. 1 thing employees want from you as a leader? As Greg Brenneman—who led turnarounds of Continental Airlines, PwC Consulting and Burger King—put it at the first virtual Scaling Up event after Covid hit, “The job of a leader is to absorb fear and exude hope.” Just released research from Gallup bears him out.
That’s especially true in times of crisis and chaos. Ask Christine Assouad, CEO of Dunkin’ Donuts Lebanon. Assouad, a member of Young Presidents’ Organization, launched Dunkin Donuts in her country in 1998 and plans 50 stores by year’s end.
You think you’ve got it bad…
Consider what Assouad was up against: She scaled operations despite a popular revolution in 2019 followed by capital control and currency devaluation, a deadly ammonium nitrate explosion at Beirut’s port in 2020 that displaced more than 300,000 people and a 14-month war that ended in a ceasefire in November 2024. “We were in survival mode for a few years, seeing most international chains exit or close stores,” says Assouad.
However, that chaos gave the company an edge. As the late Brazilian racecar driving legend Ayrton Senna put it, “You cannot overtake 15 cars when it’s sunny, but you can when it’s raining.” After opening six stores in 2024, including a flagship with a podcast studio, gaming room and meeting room, Assouad just signed another 10, with plans to hire 25 percent more team members and her sights set on reaching 100.
In the meantime, she’ll be one of the Sharks on an upcoming season of Shark Tank Lebanon. She also runs Empowering Tribe, a group she founded in 2023 to support female leaders in the Middle East, and the Semsom concept, a Lebanese casual dining concept with restaurants in Dubai and Ras Al Khaimah.
Leaders have a choice: to be winners or whiners. Here’s how she keeps her eyes trained on winning
Stay focused on purpose
Assouad turned her stores into destinations where employees come in early to write positive “notes of happiness” on each coffee cup. “The main point is to constantly remind our team of our purpose, the fact that we’re here ‘to spread happiness,’” she says. “I call it the ‘smiling business.’”
Show you’ve got it covered
Hopefulness will only inspire a team if it’s grounded in reality, especially in wartime. “The first day of the crisis, we listed all the possible scenarios and had an action plan for each,” Assouad says. “Being prepared made the whole difference.”
Stay ready for good times
Assouad also kept her team excited about what was coming after the crisis. During slow periods, Assouad arranged for large-scale trainings in how to use AI and had her team build out an ERP system. “We used dead time to do things we didn’t usually have time to do,” she says. One added bonus: With many employees seeking educational opportunities, it gave them a reason to stay.
Make time for fun
Assouad makes play a priority. Recently, she brought her team together in Beirut to have fun designing their own Dunkin’ concept stores. Everyone forgot about job titles and let their imaginations run wild. “At the end of the day, business is not just about serving customers,” she reflected in a LinkedIn post. “It’s about connecting humans. When your team feels safe, seen and inspired, magic happens.”
That doesn’t mean ignoring the trauma team members experienced during the war. To support mental health, she arranged weekly team meetings, group therapy sessions and retreats for different layers of managers.
Ultimately, we have a choice as CEOs—to suck it up in challenging circumstances or to give in to whining. As Assouad continues to prove, winners know that growth is always possible, even during a war.
